Last night, I made a confession to my girls
and I felt happy that I could finally let it out. My confession was one that
had gripped my heart and filled my mind, even before my girls were conceived.
It grew with time and was nurtured by my fears till it almost became a living
reality but for God.
and I felt happy that I could finally let it out. My confession was one that
had gripped my heart and filled my mind, even before my girls were conceived.
It grew with time and was nurtured by my fears till it almost became a living
reality but for God.
So few days ago just before bedtime, I
decided it was time to open up and pour out my heart to them just the way I
felt when the cycle first began.
decided it was time to open up and pour out my heart to them just the way I
felt when the cycle first began.
It
all started in the early months of being married to your father … I begun my tale as my daughters giggled, snuggled close and watched
my face eagerly.
all started in the early months of being married to your father … I begun my tale as my daughters giggled, snuggled close and watched
my face eagerly.
We agreed we wanted to have a baby but I
had a secret fear. I battled the thought of not being a good enough mum.
had a secret fear. I battled the thought of not being a good enough mum.
“Will I make a good mum?” This was my everyday
question to your daddy.
question to your daddy.
I asked daddy this question a hundred times
and for every time I asked, the response remained same. “Yes, you will
make a wonderful mum, dear”.
and for every time I asked, the response remained same. “Yes, you will
make a wonderful mum, dear”.
You both know that daddy is a great man
with a big heart, right? I asked. They
both nodded in agreement. He also loves and gives of himself without
expectations and is always ready to nurture everything and anyone. That is true
mum, my second daughter reaffirmed.
with a big heart, right? I asked. They
both nodded in agreement. He also loves and gives of himself without
expectations and is always ready to nurture everything and anyone. That is true
mum, my second daughter reaffirmed.
Mummy use to be the exact opposite of
daddy’s finesses, I said as I paused to look at their faces for understanding
while grinning.
daddy’s finesses, I said as I paused to look at their faces for understanding
while grinning.
Back in the day, your father’s great
attributes shadowed my inadequacies; this is different now, as he has taught
and influenced me with his good nature. They both listen with wide eyed
admiration.
attributes shadowed my inadequacies; this is different now, as he has taught
and influenced me with his good nature. They both listen with wide eyed
admiration.
So now you know it’s good to marry a great
man. I said smiling.
man. I said smiling.
I proceeded to explained how scared I was
that my impatience, hot headedness, self-devotion and the extreme love for my
space and time would ruin my chances of becoming a good mother.
that my impatience, hot headedness, self-devotion and the extreme love for my
space and time would ruin my chances of becoming a good mother.
Then I became pregnant with you (pointing
to my first daughter) and the weeks rolled by and it was time to see what the
baby looked like. So I went in for a scan and I was showed the baby in my womb
from a wide screen.
to my first daughter) and the weeks rolled by and it was time to see what the
baby looked like. So I went in for a scan and I was showed the baby in my womb
from a wide screen.
The sonographer moved his instrument over
my tommy and asked me to listen for the strong heart beat and watch out for the
different gesticulation. OMG! was all I gasped.
my tommy and asked me to listen for the strong heart beat and watch out for the
different gesticulation. OMG! was all I gasped.
I was transfixed by the sight and something
broke within me, that something I later understood to be love and the fierce
desire to protect my ‘miracle’ as much as I could.
broke within me, that something I later understood to be love and the fierce
desire to protect my ‘miracle’ as much as I could.
That was how you, Mimi my sweet girl was
born and two years later Didi joined and from then on, no one taught me how to
love and adore you both. It just grew and flowed from me to you. I tapped their
cheek with
love.
born and two years later Didi joined and from then on, no one taught me how to
love and adore you both. It just grew and flowed from me to you. I tapped their
cheek with
love.
I now share my time and space without a
second thought and can catch a bullet for you both. They both laughed and said
in their sonorous voices – “Mum you are the best mum in the whole wide
world and I love you”
second thought and can catch a bullet for you both. They both laughed and said
in their sonorous voices – “Mum you are the best mum in the whole wide
world and I love you”
My second daughter who can hug for Africa
stretched over and gave me a hug. We
were all lying on their bunk while the conversation went on.
stretched over and gave me a hug. We
were all lying on their bunk while the conversation went on.
It was an emotional moment for us but it
strengthen our bond and reaffirmed how priceless my girls were to us.
strengthen our bond and reaffirmed how priceless my girls were to us.
Confession ended!!
What was your greatest fear as an expecting
or first time mum?
or first time mum?
Image credits: Google
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